Californication goes down in a cloud of hackiness

First of all, three weeks since I posted anything. It's not that it's hard to think of something to post about, it's just really hard to care when you're working 11 hours a day and trying not to plan workplace massacres the rest of the time.

I had such high hopes for Californication. The cable willingness to put whatever on TV is a nice place to start creatively, the willingness to sink some money into a good thing is even better, and then they actually seem to have some writers banging around over there at Showtime, so good for them.

Sadly, today I watched the fifth episode and the thing that had been bothering me the whole time finally starting slapping me and screaming like a strung out meth head. There may be writers working at Showtime, but no one told them about Californication.

It's pretty, and there's lots of boobies, but the dialogue is painful. In fact, it's most definitely the spiritual heir to the Sex and the City crown. It wasn't immediately obvious, because David Duchovny has the ability to deliver this horrific dross with an illusion of talent and edginess, but Madeline Zima plucked the scales from my eyes by delivering this wretched creaking scribbling in an awkward stilted manner that Andie Macdowell would have thought was forced. I can't fool myself anymore.

Any pretence at thinking TV from this show was just a diversion from the sad attempts to tickle the lizard brain. The whole show is basically the masturbatory fantasies of whatever halfwit created it. If I want porn, I can get porn, and at least then you can mute the sound and still follow what's going on. You know a show is shit when it's not matching up to the legacy of a show that couldn't bring out any bigger guns for the season final than revealing the name of a recurring character.

I'm going back to giving Weeds more credit than it deserves.

UPDATE: Weeds has an Olsen guest starring. Showtime can eat shit, it's over. I'm strapping my suicide belt on as we speak, does anyone know their street address?